might as well...jump

I reached far to pat myself on the back.

Remembering to show up to.... get this... sharpen pencils today at the school office for next week's state testing, though they'd already been sharpened by some other willing parent by the time I arrived, felt rather significant to me.  I've been overloaded by the newness/nothing-is-at-all-familiarness of my recent days, to the point where actually showing up when I'd been asked to felt like an accomplishment.   I'd followed through, whoop-dee-do.  I'm back.  Kinda, sorta back.  "Thank you so much though", she said anyhow, even though I'd done nothing other then actually attempt to do what I said I would.   I smiled as I walked away, "You are very fu_king welcome and might I add that it would have been my great pleasure, in fact", I thought to just myself.  

I never get tired of watching my kids have fun.   My little guy bounces and jumps and rolls exactly like the 70 some odd other boys at this public trampoline, but his face is a beacon to me.  I focus on it.  I find it instantly in the crowd.  "Watch this", he screams.  It looks like every bounce before, but maybe it feels different to him.  Maybe to him, that latest hop felt like a big, giant, scary leap of faith.... and so I watch carefully and call to him, filled with wild enthusiasm that springs from somewhere inside of me, a place not covered in yellow, sticky, remind me to remember, post it notes.  I say, "You are awesome!!"... and I mean it.   He eats this up.  For every big bop of his, there is an equal or greater reaction from me.  "You're incredible.  You're a star.  Wow, you went so high that I could barely see you!"  None of it is true, but it's all true as hell at the very same time.  He is a star, he goes so high that I can hardly see him, he's incredible, awesomeness personified.  I'm positively dazzled. Just jumping is more then enough.  It's everything.

Surprised by the magnitude of energy it requires to adjust myself to simple, necessary changes in my daily life, I realize that everything, E V E R Y T H I N G is a jump, everything is a leap, no matter how natural, necessary or mundane our tasks seem, when they involve others and when we take care with those tasks, when we come through, then those things are actually "something".    And wouldn't it be nice if some person called out, "YOU are awesome!" for each of these efforts we make to propel ourselves forward?  For each attempt to hurl ahead there should be an equal or greater reaction.  And so, because the effort alone is something,  I echo to you, yes you Reader; "You are a star, I can barely see you from here, simply awesome."

Let me close with a, "YOU are incredible... just for showing up and trying."