memorization

Do not ask me how we land on these topics...
"God and Mary weren't married?" He asks with a mature incredulousness that I can totally relate to and resent both at the same time.
"Ehh... hmm.".  Throat clearing gives me pause for thought... and just where is a nail for biting when you need one?
Emaculate conception is hard to explain even for good Catholics, never mind bad ones like me.   And so how exactly do they, children of a bad Cath, even know to bother asking about this business?  I mean, who told them about the bizarre relationship between God and Jesus; his, "long haired, barefoot son" - because those are the things that stick out about God forsaken Jesus in my young son's eyes.  But girl, she wants me to go into great detail about how exactly genes from God got into his supposed son while he was housed inside of Mary, whom God never physically hung out with.
Atheists might be onto something.
Simplicity.
But I can't do simplicity well.
So, I deflect.  
I do this initial deflection by reciting the Our Father and then Hail Mary, but I change up words so that it all sounds nicer, makes more simple sense.   I pretty them up a bit.
Have I mentioned we don't attend church often?  Yup, we are very busy apparently.
My kids want to know why I know the words for those two rather unknowable prayers and why do I know them by heart when I can't seem to bother learning the street names and common routes home in the area where we now reside; after all, this is where we choose to live.  Good questions.
I tell them its sort of like learning the alphabet, but I know inside it's not remotely alphabetical....its philosophical.    It's not wrote - it is written and in truth I have no better understanding of it all then they do and I cannot explain it well ... and so instead I deflect again.  I simply say, "Oh man, oh man, how very much do I love you?  So, so very much is how much.  Come on, come on and close your eyes".
They do.
We are done, for now.  But I'm not done.   
I am on.
I'm on inside my head.


Someone logically tell me why and just how does the world keep turning and why can I get away with so much and so little?  How can I gamble with things like love and happiness, the future, security, friendship, good health or even just stupid Blackjack and why do I win, lose, win, lose, win more, then lose a bit but win again, just not enough to make a real difference?   Why do I tread so much endless water to only stay pleasantly, surprisingly afloat?  Why doesn't the tide just carry me away?  AND - What if it does someday?   What day might that be and why have I been so lucky and unfortunate and blessed, cursed, strong and weak, loved and lonely, lost and progressing all at the same time?
I'm not getting anywhere, but then again, look how far I have gone to get here?

I'll deflect and admit that I am kinda succeeding at getting nowhere and admit also that I don't actually begrudge the journey.
Hell, I know the alphabet...
"Hail Mary, full of grace" ...

Deflecting...

"Give us this day."

More deflection... 
He must know we're worth it -