In this era of new hips and sadly deflating lips
On again trouble with my ex and an unwanted turkey neck
Forced into accepting the aging of my darling folks,
while I myself need to cut back on egg yolks...
while I myself need to cut back on egg yolks...
I realize that the only way to get anywhere I want to go,
is to sometimes put the cart intentionally before the horse. Change is hard, even though I wholeheartedly believe that this change is good and necessary, it's not easy.
While I work toward and through my hard changes, I've found myself mired in sadness and an uncomfortablilty that these alterations bring out in me and I question the changes. I mean after all, who will I be without the things that have defined me as who I am? Things like the fiddly old lake house with adjacent deep, blue, freezing cold lake, my So Cal address, the people I love to spend my days with and the label I've slapped on myself for conservative bohemianism?
And who's daughter do I become one day without each of my parents perpetually "there" for me? All these things, the way things are and the people who love me, aren't they what makes me ME? So if things really change, for worse and for better, will I still be myself?
So I say my prayers like a little girl, which is the wisest thing I do and I ask for signs that I'm making the right changes.
I pray for strength and for peace through choices I make, which is a tall order even for the Lord above. And he answers my prayers in the strangest ways, by sending down angels to bring me comfort and joy, healthy distraction, laughter, awe and lots of poop...
If I had not driven the long winding road to the lake house that particular day, at that particular time
And if you had not fallen to the earth precisely then, making your way to my door and waited patiently, pooping everywhere, till I arrived,
Then I would not have found you
"Angel flying to close to the ground"
Beautiful distraction, wounded bird, something wild and strange in need of love, care and a temporary haven.
They are so smart, these wild winged things
They understand change and they adapt quickly
They recognize good intentions and communicate their needs
They learn to trust those who earn it
They find ways to talk
They figure out how to walk, even with a broken leg
They make you feel alive by eating from the palm of your trembling hand
and your rapid heartbeat is one derived from the thrill of wildness choosing YOU and not one born of stress and strain
They distract you from all that depletes you
They make you laugh and leave you in awe
"And I fixed up your broken wing, hung around awhile, trying to keep your spirits up and your fever down"
While I healed and nourished you, you healed and nourished me. Proving to me in the most subtle and sweetest ways that I'd still be me even without the trappings I believed defined me.
"I knew someday that you would fly away, for love is the greatest healer to be found"
And because of beautiful you, I see with my own eyes and feel with my own heart that no matter who is with me, those I love never really go away because my love for everything and everyone lives inside of me, it won't fade if I won't let it
and that is who I am.
"If you had not have fallen and I had not have found you, angel flying to close to the ground...
Fly on past the speed of sound, I'd rather see you up, then see you down
Leave me if you need to, I will still remember
my angel flying to close to the ground"
Thank you wild and beautiful thing for reminding me who I am.
I love you all the way to the stars
