And reasons are often hidden behind something hard to swallow
And hard to swallow things are oddly enough the things that will affect us most, for better, for worse
A few months back, my child learned a hard lesson about life, love and death and letting go
A few months back I did too
Since then nothing's been the same, even when I try to make it the same
Force it to be the same
Beg things to return to same
Nothing is as it was
And it's been hard to swallow
For better or worse
Though there are thousands of miles between my mother and I
And my one sister and my brothers are out of reach
Though my friends who've been my friends forever can't see me, I can feel them
And my life slides like a stone on ice from this place to that, ricocheting, rapidly spinning only to settle then get kicked into motion again
I'm as settled as I've ever been, never been
I flipped through the photos on my phone tonight.
Though I took them all, I was surprised by the last thirty or so, all of my daughter
In each she's touching the massive head of a new horse
She never looked more alive, more beautiful, more happy, no kidding...
Over and over, in each frame, she's so full of something she's never been full of
And I have just one person to thank for this
One person and one thousand circumstances,
nine hundred coincidences, eight hundred mistakes, seven hundred issues, six hundred solutions, five hundred things, four hundred comments, three hundred plans gone awry, two hundred little tears and a partridge in a pear tree (just one person to thank for this)
This will be my sixth Christmas on my own and the start of my seventh year... not alone.
I met somebody who gave me a horse for my daughter and it changed her and she changes me
And for everything thats happened for a reason, I'm so grateful, for worse or as it happens to be, for better, I'm so grateful
And grateful for every moment thats come and gone, hard to swallow or gone down easy
I'm grateful for mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, relatives and friends near and far
For life and death
For hours and seconds
For firsts and lasts
For falling and for getting up
For holding on and letting go
For running and staying put
For buying and selling
For lost ears and found happiness
For good and Wicked
For sickness and health
For better, for worse
For Auld Lang Syne...
