Wednesday, January 22, 2014

m e n tal


With no reluctance she handed me her paper.   
"Correct this", my daughter said.
And as I read, I recognized myself in the words
her words, my words, these words...
Emulation is the highest form of flattery.
Highly flattered I corrected any misspellings and praised the poem, left it intact, untouched, unedited,
perfect as it's proctegator.

Earlier I witnessed emulation in another form 
I was un-flattered, but not untouched nor unaltered, definitely affected.
My sweet pal (a stellar actress) imitated me, for me 
a great favor
and she did so to a frickin T.
She told me to ask her questions about any old thing and she answered these random topics precisely as I respond when I'm baffled by members of the opposite sex who are important and simultaneously puzzling to me.   

Dead on.

I heard myself
her words, my words, those words.
Heard my own hesitation and recognized my patterns instantly. 
OMG
I rot, but not.
I do, but I don't.
I mean, in this one place, I suck, but it doesn't suck, not in the grand scheme of things...
I am a MENtal retard.
I have to admit that.
I cannot, do not, have not, might not ever get it right when it comes to the you know whose!
And as I sit here, hours after, inside the house I love 
surrounded by the stuff I love 
next to the gassy, sighing dogs (whom I also must admit I love)
within kissing distance of the sticky-sweet boy and helluva poet girl I love and adore
I realize I do not, cannot, might not ever care if I get that other thing right

She asked me, "where does that come from?"

I wonder...


Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Hind sight is Twenty/20

Thank you Tonya Harding.
Because of you, an old friend recalled and then reminded another old friend who reminded me that it was exactly 20 years ago when I left the east coast, took my packed car and headed west...

20

I was 29 and I decided to return to school to become a nurse.
My sister was one and her stories were priceless, her hours flexible, but it was the encouragement of my family and the advice of my beloved Uncle Jack which really caused me to consider the life I was living and it's limits.
I was meant for more?  
I think so.
He did, they did, so I did.

For a girl who was afraid of math, disliked science and looked at school as an opportunity to buy new outfits, I ended up passing the State Boards with a perfect score.  Not one wrong answer.
I can't say that about anything else that I've done in these past twenty years.
I am mostly wrong, I must admit.  
Heres the thing though - 
I have learned this - there ain't nothing wrong with being wrong...

I look at what I was then and what I am now - 

I am 20 years of experiences.  
 I am spiders and snakes (tarantulas and rattlers).   I am married and not married.  I'm Mom.  I'm RN.  I'm homeowner times two.    I'm responsible for more then I can handle.   I'm still sister, daughter, friend.  I am girlfriend (sometimes).   I am broken hearted, unfortunately, more often then not.   I'm Blogger, I'm housepainter, daydreamer,  sundress wearing, Home Depot shopping, 60 pairs of shoe owning, cake baking, devoted Pearl Jam fan, college football watching, Pacific ocean loving, hiker, coffee drinking, thin crust pizza ordering, older, wiser but still at least partly retarded ME.
I am, I am...
and I love it.
I do.
In fact, I love you - I love you, I love you.
These are my words...
I love you my life.
I love you my children.
I love you my friends.
I love you my family.
I love you my home.
I love you my bed.
I love you my dogs.
I love you my closet.
I love you my iphone.
I love you my mind.
I love you my laughter.
I love you my writing.
I love you my Kitchen Aid free standing mixer.
I love you my Crossfit workout.
I love you my heartbreak.
I love you my obstacles.
I love you my right leg.
I love you my gifts.
I love you my past.
I love you my future.
I love you my present.
I love you my God.
I love you myself.

2014 is my year.   I love you, I love you, I love you...