my favorite mistakes

Expletive.
Seriously?
I mean, I want a menu, but then again... with the privilege of choices, comes the time when you have to actually, you know, choose.
Decisions - Decisions -  Decisions
What if I make a mistake?  
Long ago, I would choose based simply on my gut.  I'd say, I want this or I want that and I'd say yes or no and I'd suffer the consequences.  I cannot believe how many times there was no suffering and/or consequences with my easily made choices back then.  
Now it's different.   Now it's more then just me involved.
Now, where and when are far from simple choices for me.

The weighing of my decisions alone is suffrage.  
Contemplation is more then enough to scare me off completely from the possibility of consequence.


Hmm, but not really.  
Not me.   
I am a chooser.
I am a menu risk taker.  Heck, I'll order for the entire table, with some form of confidence.
I like surprises and I don't mind choking down something that doesn't agree entirely with my palette on occasion.  I'll suffer the consequences. 

Everyday I choose.  Everyday I win and lose, mostly just a little, but sometimes a lot.
I can take it and also I can leave it, but the bigger situations, well they can ruin me.   
And... if I'm ruined, who'll be left to maintain the situation and the standard I've set?


Tonight, while I worry and churn inside about things to be decided on soon; while I don't sleep, can't eat, while I toss and turn, I find myself wanting to give up the decision making for now.  Instead I find music and not just my thoughts to listen to and I look for old photos I've taken to focus on.  
Hidden in the 9,412 snaps I've stored here on this one, little laptop, I realize that in all honesty, I find the best of them, the best photographs I've taken in a long while were in fact by mistake.
A malfunctioning camera, too much light, poor technique, lack of attention, distraction of kids and dogs, sand, water, suntan lotion coating my hands and what I ended up with was absolutely, improbable, totally random, perfection... to my eyes. 
What did I do wrong that actually went right?


I'm guessing that I just did it.
I took what I saw and I sought to capture it.
I had no idea if I was doing it right, nor did I care what I ended up with.  
I just snapped away and clearly at the time I loved every moment of it.
I was present.  I was there and so was everything I needed, apparently.
Years later, I look at them.... just a mistake and yet... they make me smile, not only on my face, but inside of me.   
Maybe the secret is to just go with it.  See it and go, if it makes me want to.  
Maybe the choices I make tomorrow will be totally right and if not, maybe they'll be.... 
my favorite mistake.