collision courses

Why do I write?         

Because.

Because thoughts and feelings collide within me and seem to need an outlet and so I write in effort to set them straight and set them down and set them free.

I listened yesterday to incredibly successful literary women speak about writing and I felt in some ways like one of them and in many ways I felt rather far beneath them.  One posed and answered the question of why we write.   It got me thinking, why do I write?  What makes me think I can, when actually I'm pretty sure I can't?  Yet I do... and somehow I know I shouldn't, but that doesn't stop me from doing it... and so why do I?
I write...

Because I'm being kind to my rarely idle mind?

In effort to feel understood?

I seem to need to.

Part of me thinks I can.

Because I might not be able to.

Because I'm curious?

Because I'm lonely.

I actually enjoy typing.

Because I'm happy.

So I can breath.

I write so I don't have to speak, because when I speak, I rarely say what I meant and almost never exactly what I felt, but when I write, it tends to come out more accurately, most of the time anyhow.

I write so I won't eat junk food.

Because I've become numb to television.

I like to share.

Because I can't sit still.

It saves me from having conversations.

Because I think I might die if I don't.

Because I feel like I'm alive when I do.

So someone will notice me.

To keep people from seeing me.

To open myself.

To expose myself.

To embarrass myself.

Because I'm unemployed.

To kill time.

To save myself.

To show I care.

Because I don't really care much what anyone thinks of me.

Because I feel so much love.

I need a release.

Because I'm an artist.

Because I'm afraid that I'm not remotely artistic.

To show my confidence.

Because I'm insecure.

To give a voice to my feelings.

So that I don't need to voice my opinions.

Because I'm a little lost and this feels like a map of me.

Because.  

Because I don't know why, but I do know that I am most myself when I write and even more so  afterwards, when I read what I actually produced... and then, somehow, I can finally see me.  It's like looking at a photograph of yourself experiencing something that you can't quite remember doing but when seeing the photo, you realize what exactly you did and why and how... and then you know a little bit more about who you are.

So I guess I write in effort to find myself.


Why do I read?  Why do I listen to music?

Uht oh.  

Because.

Because I feel like I'm alive when I do.

Because I feel like I'll die if I don't.

Because I'm unemployed.

Because I'm numb to television.

I like to share.

I'm curious.

To kill time.

To open myself.

Because I'm lonely.

I need a release.

To show I care....

Because my mind, my soul, my entire being very much want to collide with the thoughts, feelings, experiences and imagination of others.

Because I feel so much love.

So I can b r e a t h .

S o  I  w o n ' t   e a t  j u n k   f  o  o  d  .   .   .