go on and grow...

The wisest folks of all seem to tell us that most people are fearful when it comes to change.

I can see that.   I can see that in almost everyone I know, even the biggest, strongest, smartest. 

Now that's scary.

I'm afraid to say, that I am not - I am not afraid of change. 

Nope.

Not me.

I embrace it.  I cause it.  I look for it.  I wait patiently and also impatiently for it.  
I need it really. 

I may in fact be a little addicted to it and I've been wondering 

how come.

Why do I constantly need to have change or progress or alteration?   

Was I always this way?

Yes, I was, I realize, which leads me to this...

What on earth will I do when things are as they should be and change no more?

Of course things will always change, but I won't be able to keep up the pace of progression I've induced for the past decade and especially the past eighteen months or so.  So... then what?

Recently in a strange turn of events, my big, bad and I do mean bad dog, well he took a bite out of me. 

Yup he did.  

I know.   What a sh_thead.

You know what I did?

I changed him, am changing him currently actually.

I sent him away to be reconditioned by some hopefully highly capable dog whisperer.

He should come home quite tame, fundamentally altered.   

Fingers crossed.

Here in my new home, settling in, I can feel myself slow down intentionally in the work that I've planned to do, in the things I am determined to change.   Why?   Because once it's done, well,

 then what?

Maybe I am fearful of sameness, stagnation. 

Maybe I'm afraid of completion.

Why?

I think I know why and the answer does in all honesty concern me, which is a softer way of saying it frightens me.

When I finally run out of things to change, I will in fact be left with the task of changing nothing other then myself.

And when I do, I will have a different answer to my own question, "Was I always this way?"

Nope.

Not me.

 go grow yourself