Memorial Day weekend. It's a time for remembering war and how lucky we are not to know it well, if we don't, which I don't. And it's a time for thinking about those who partook in it, of it. I can only recall the Persian Gulf Conflict myself. Before that I wasn't paying attention and since then I have purposely avoided news, except the weather. But that conflict, I was mesmerized by it, could be found literally glued to the TV. When not glued, I was listening to news radio. Obsessed would not be an understatement. Intrigued utterly, so much so that I wrote a novel about it. Really! No sh_t. I wrote a whole, pretty lousy book based on a theory I developed in my head, about the former dictator of Iraq. Yea. Who'd a thunk it? Apparently I thunk it.
You're not missing a thing if you're missing my point.
My point is probably that I can't recall war and I don't want to. I appreciate the hell out of those who fight for our rights. I wish they didn't have to. But this weekend instead of considering war or anything about it, I'd like to take the opportunity Memorial Day presents to remember ... me. Maybe if I look hard at myself, really hard, I won't make the same mistakes twice (or three times, for those I've already doubled up on). Maybe. I have said, done, happened on, fallen into, looked for and accomplished more error than any one human being ought to have and I'm probably only half way done with my life. Hopefully. I'm not kidding about the mistake business. I say this with certainty as well as a certain amount of self-directed disgust and also some small bit of loving forgiveness for old me. I have often been at war with myself during my lifetime it seems. Perhaps I fight internally so that I can get along with everyone on the outside, which I tend to do. I only like to beat myself up and I don't even like to do that much, though I'm very darn good at it.
This weekend, I'm going to try to remember the good junk I've done. Gonna try to remember the things I'm proud of; like having sweet kids and somewhat decently mannered pets, how I love my parents and accept my siblings for who they are. Think about the fact that I admire my friends and about maybe thanking God or Allah or whomever is the boss of life for all that I have, despite the mistakes I've made. I will remember me and maybe forget what I've done wrong, but not so much so that I do it again.
love this!
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