Candidly Speaking...

Candor: being blunt, frankness, sincerity in dialog...

She can go a day without speaking in school and thats something that concerns me.

When parents ask how their children's day was, they don't typically hear a detailed litany on who smelled like what; spaghetti, tacos, wet dog, sneakers, Doritos, sour milk, bubblegum and so on.

Parents might also not hear, "I didn't say a word all day". 

They also might not cope with this reality as often as I have, "No one spoke to me today."

Parents hopefully rarely have to cajole their kids as they drop them at school; "Try to say something to someone today Babe and Honey, If you know the answer, raise your hand and say it if you get called on." 

Parents often have to ask their children not to talk so much.

Quietness.

Perhaps thats not such a bad thing considering what happens when she does speak freely and candidly on occasion.

Our sweet peanut of a neighbor rang the bell today and my precious pudding of a daughter answered.

"Wanna play?", asked the child from next door.

"No", said mine.

"Oh.  Later maybe?"

"Maybe, but probably not."

"Tomorrow maybe?", our neighbor asked hopefully.

"Maybe, but maybe not ever anymore since we're moving and maybe I won't ever see you again".

My child turned around then and looked at me, my mouth open wide, hands wringing the dying dish towel in my hands, momentarily infuriated and also stunned by her seeming lack of compassion toward our endlessly friendly neighbor.

Door closed and lets all hope another one doesn't open any time soon.

Not until I can drill into her head how honesty though very valuable may not prove as worthwhile as kindness.

Just when I think that packing is my most daunting task, I am jolted back into my true job in life.  My purpose as the mother of a child with Asperges is to help her connect with others in the best way she can manage to.

Not so easy.  

I'd rather pack a castle full of crystal then tactfully find a way to educate my child on how to communicate authentically but in a not so offensive manner while remaining honest, which I recognize is one of her very best, innate character traits.

Mainstream...

So we role play and I ring the doorbell and she answers it and I, on my knees say, "Wanna play?" and she says, "Yes".  

Exasperated, I tell her, "Baby you are supposed to say NO."   

I want to show her how it feels to be rejected.  I want her to learn how to be a little less harsh.

"But mom, I do actually want to play with you", she says, apparently confused.

And so I puzzle through this as I don't pack very much.   I wonder what my life would have been like if I always said what I meant and meant what I said.   

Where would I be if I said no instead of yes when no was in fact my truth? 

They say that in reality we control very little in our lives.

Some believe in fate.

Some have faith.

Some look to psychics.

Many just barrel down the road before them and deal with what lies ahead.

Some hide.

Others find someone to blame for what does and doesn't happen.

Maybe we should all just say what we mean and mean what we say and do what we want when we want to and not when we don't?

Try as I might, I can't find a way to teach my child to be less honest.

Try as I might, I can't find all that much wrong with honesty, except maybe it leaves you lonely at times - and lonely is something I can't bare for her.

If I had three wishes from some genie in some bottle they'd be...

1) Let her say what she feels

2) Let her feel what she says

3) Give everyone ears to listen when she speaks

Maybe her purpose in life is to teach me and not so much the other way around.

If I could steal a fourth wish, I'd ask to speak directly to the top guy, the big boss, I'd ask him to hear me and I'd once again say, "Thank you God for lending me this girl".