The Fog

Tension.

I felt tense.

No way to turn around.  Can't go back to the house for the night.  Can't risk a do over, try again to leave in the morning light.  

We couldn't see 5 feet in front of us.  

Rainy.

  Felt very late, but it wasn't even five O'clock.

I will mind the fog advisory in the future.

This is exhausting.

"It's my fault", she whispers. 

Note to self, call the cable company.

I was clearly high when I said that we could live without TV on lake house weekends. 

My kids are anxious to return to civilized life and Nick Jr, etc...

I tell her that ultimately all decisions are mine.  

"I decided we'd go home".   I decide because I'm the mom. 

"Just look with me Baby, be my second eyes.  We are fine", I say.

" This fog isn't anyone's fault anyhow".

Even I'm calmed by my own voice.

Even I trust me.

... I had this inner assurance that we'd be A-okay, but I don't know why or from where it came.

At one point I was forced to a complete stop, which meant that any one of the nearly dozen vehicles trailing behind me could have smashed right into us.  A huge boulder, the size of a lawn chair lay in the middle of the road, surrounded by baby boulders, smaller versions of itself.  Apparently the mountain was just off to my right, dropping stone, haphazardly onto our narrow, steeply declining roadway, but you'd never know that hillside was right there.   

Nothing, not a single thing was visible.

But... I had that feeling inside, that undeniable knowledge, a certainty that we were and would continue to be safe.   And then when we reached the far clearer highway, having come down the 5700 fog socked feet, I flew, instantly free from dense, soupy, clouded oppression and miraculously void of the tension I felt on my descent.   It was as if it had never happened.

Why is it that we can be in the center of something dangerous and obstructive and yet be utterly positive that it will end and not kill us?

Why aren't we able to employ that logic or sense in all areas of our life?

Tonight, as I lay me down to rest... I'll remind myself that there is nothing I can't navigate and endure.

 What feels heavy will lift in time.

It's just a fog...