lost in text-lation

No, I can't and won't completely discount the medium for communicating... however,  try as I might, I cannot locate even one single message, not in my mind or on my phone, not-a-one that actually spoke directly to me, touched me, relayed it's genuine intention.
There's a lot of guess work in texting for me.  

Oh wait, F me, here it is, the best of em all.   Found a noteworthy note after all; a simple "I L Y", code for, "I love you".  Other then that, well, there isn't much clarity in texting, not to me anyway. 
I mean, how unimportant must you be to require just like 15 seconds of phone digit pushage only.  As a matter of fact, I honestly feel that unless two people are completely in tune, totally connected mentally, linguistically, socially, emotionally, spiritually and possibly even so far as sexually, there is a whole lot of room for misinterpretation in a text.  
If you don't know what time I got up this morning and what I did the day before, we aren't close enough to be texting, unless I owe you money.


I can't tell most of the time if the texter is happy, sad, mad, mushy, gushy, pushy, drunk, dumb, horny, lost, serious, curious and unless I know how someone is feeling, what they're doing, how they think these old days then I won't know anything from a simple line or two, unless you happen to be  E.E. CUMMINGS.
I don't want relationships with people I care for to be conveyed by telegraph (aka text) this is why that lovely Bell fellow invented the phone and made his Ma so proud. 
What's next?  Pony express? 
Directness via text seems cold, the LOLs aren't funny and for no good reason that abbreviation simply annoys me.  I refuse to submit to using it.  I'd rather write, "I am currently laughing out loud", even if it puts me over the text character limitations and busts itself up into two separate messages.
Texting is for phone numbers and for pointing out a great sale to a dear close friend whom you'll call soonish or for telling your lover that the recent sex was fabulous or for yelling at your realtor, for reminding someone of a dental appointment and when stretched they aren't an awful way to say hello to someone who crossed your mind but whom you'd rather not speak to, but you want to remind them that you still exist solely and thats it.  
Yea, yea, yea, the booty call.  Text is probably a great way to not talk to someone you don't want to talk to but whom you are bored enough to shag with, I suppose. 
Unless you're so close that you can understand the subtext of someone's text well then - - - - - -
It ain't no way to talk to a friend.
It ain't no way to stay in close touch and...
it ain't no way to treat a lady.