There are not all that many things I can look back over in my life and say, I did it exactly "right". That's not to say that there aren't a whole bunch of right things in my life, because there are. My life is packed with "righteousness", but also admittedly, it has been riddled with wrongness, both avoidable and unavoidable. Luckily the wrongs are mostly wrongs somehow made right, or in time turned right, or maybe just seem right enough now.
One thing I've done correctly, not by accident, but by purposeful decision is, to ignore my big, bad, lovable dog.
I chose to rescue a dog two years ago and I pretend it was for my daughter and her special needs.
Dog was large. He was handsome. He appeared clever. He was trouble.
Within an hour of his arrival I contemplated my sanity. Within a day, I fantasized about breaking up with him totally, just returning him to the place from which he'd come or maybe him getting hit by a car and instantly, painlessly taking his peaceful leave. For weeks I devoured Tums to sooth my agitated, dog-induced, acidic abdomen and prayed he'd run away. But, after about a month, I did something definitive and that sadly is a very rare thing for me. I gave up. I actively let go of the situation and allowed nature to take its lovely course. I wasn't irresponsible. I simply didn't fret the reality of this monster and all that could go wrong. Instead I assumed it would go right. I trusted I had the strength to nudge it gently into rightness. This dog, giant enough to eat my couch in an hour, wasn't about to make me worry all day and ruin my sleep all night. I was the boss of this place I realized, had successfully been for quite some time and this was still my house with my soft, but serious rules. I decided that I was just not going to get myself in a tizzy over this big boy. "Come to mama", I said. And he does.
I don't love it when people blubber over their precious pets. Clearly I care for animals or he wouldn't be here, maybe by this point he'd not even exist, but I really don't relish animal centered conversation for more then a few moments here and there. However, this one time, let me tell you that I have come to treasure these 5 words very, darn much; "Wanna go for a walk?"
If not for big dog, I probably wouldn't see the top of as many mountains as I do. I might not have been present for all those tangerine tinged sunsets over the Pacific where I often head after 5:00 pm in winter to let him exhaust himself in the sand. I might have paid attention to the "No Trespassing" signs beyond the reservoir, where I've happened across more natural beauty then I can possibly tell you of, as I let him run a delirious muck and it does get very mucky along the water's edge.
I let go; calmly, happily, fearlessly, positively, never-looking-backwards-ly.
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